We all love sex. To be human is to be horny – its nature’s way of reminding us that we're animals and that we exist in, and are part of, the natural world. In fact, if we didn’t get horny, the human species wouldn’t perpetuate itself so it’s our job to get horny, to give each other and to experience pleasure, and to have reproduce less humanity perish.
But, as we’ve learned with horror over the last few years, so much about sex gets complicated and (sometimes literally) abused by power dynamics. And, for all of us, sex is further complicated by miscommunication between people and their partners. So much of that miscommunication is based in that other deeply human, deeply animal part of ourselves – fear.
That’s why Brianne McGuire is so fearless to have created her website GRAPHICPAINT which supports her podcast SEX COMMUNICATION . Based on her experience as a designer, the website and podcast aims to remove the fear, squeamishness, and insecurities we have about sex. On the podcast she talks frankly about her own sex life and sexual needs in a confident, smart, and informative way. She also interviews other people about their sex lives and helps them to feel more comfortable about themselves.
Most intriguingly she plays recorded audio of herself and others having sex – showing how people really communicate in the bedroom, showing us how awkward yet exciting sex really is, and how sometimes the most erotic thing that can happen between people exists in their minds and voices (as opposed to their genitals). In short, she makes us confront the thing that so many of us really fear about sex – true intimacy.
Brianne was kind enough to answer Mr NYC’s questions about her website and podcast, about what makes for good sex communication, and about what makes this city such a sexy place.
What inspired you to create the SEX COMMUNICATION podcast and the GRAPHICPAINT website?
GRAPHICPAINT was born out of a desire to normalize sexuality and transform the experience of interacting with explicit media. As a designer with an interest in improving the unfortunate aesthetics of sexual content, I am motivated to use design theory and innovation to improve the whole experience and perception of sex as it relates to websites, printed materials and physical products.
The SEX COMMUNICATION Podcast was inspired by a really loud and verbal exchange with a partner the very first time we had sex. Months later I was still thinking about how unique the event was and wished I had a recording of it. This led to my wanting to explore the audio of sex, how it really sounds, and all the absurd things that happen in reality. It has since expanded to include documenting the personal sex histories of all sorts of people. As with GRAPHICPAINT, I’m hoping the project normalizes sexuality and helps people be more accepting of themselves.
Do you consider yourself an educator, an entertainer, both, or something else?
I consider myself to be a pioneer. Of course, education, research, entertainment and creativity are all parts of what I do, but it’s all for the purpose of inspiring change. I believe I am leading a new sexual revolution.
How does audio porn differ from visual porn i.e. what do you think the difference is for people listening to real sex instead of watching staged sex? What do you personally like about audio porn?
Audio porn is much more intimate than visual porn. I think for anyone listening, it’s much easier to put oneself in the place of those in the recording, and in turn, to feel more connected to the content. It’s also an easy entry point for explicit media; there’s less pressure, less judgment with audio porn than searching and watching regular porn, especially if one is trying to be discreet.
How do you find people to interview about their sex lives -- and how do you get the recordings of their bedroom activities?
I interview folks I meet and know in real life, listeners who reach out to me and individuals who are already active in the sex space in some way (performers, influencers, product creators, etc.). There’s value in every single story so no one person is better or worse suited for an interview; each perspective is equally important, a person just needs to be willing!
In your observation and experience, what creates miscommunication in sexual situations and relationships? Is it due to fear, shame, ignorance, upbringing, immaturity, a combination of these things -- or something else entirely?
I believe miscommunication to be a product of all the things you mentioned, all of which create our discomfort with sex. And it is this discomfort which results in folks shying away from difficult conversations — conversations about boundaries, consent, desire, etc. When people don’t have these discussions, needs go unsatisfied, displeasure and resentment grow, and on and on.
You're very open about your sex life on your podcast -- do you think you're an exhibitionist or would you call yourself something else?
I don’t consider myself to be an exhibitionist, I’m actually very shy. However, I do not have fear when it comes to sex and so I leverage my experiences, beliefs and interests to inspire others to behave without fear.
As a woman, how do you think men can learn to be better sexual partners to women? How do we go about this without seeming creepy?
I don’t think being a better sexual partner has anything to do with gender or sexual orientation. That said the best way for anyone to “be a better sexual partner” is to demonstrate a willingness to share their own desires and be curious about the desires of your partner. I think mutual masturbation is a great tool for this.
What are "kink" and BDSM, and what makes them thrilling vs. regular sex? Also, how do people properly communicate in these practices without anyone getting physically or emotionally hurt?
Kink and BDSM are parts of normal sexual experience that some find more thrilling than others. “Vanilla” sex can be plenty thrilling; I don’t believe “thrill” comes from kink, it comes from desire, passion and chemistry. As for how people can best participate in these practices, there must be thorough discussion about intentions, desires, boundaries, safety protocols and aftercare when practicing BDSM.
“Kink” is too broad a term to speak to with any value; it means different things to different people and certainly many “kinky” practices are perfectly safe. BDSM on the other hand, often involves physical risk and that is why explicit communication is so important.
If you could give people one piece of advice to improve communication in their sex lives, what would it be?
Don’t be afraid.
It’s better to be honest and explore sex in the ways that really satisfy you than to live in fear and never try. And if you scare off a partner, then that partner was not the person for you. Someone is out there who thinks what you’re into is the bees knees and will be ecstatic to explore it with you.
Finally, what do you think makes NYC such a sexy place?
The diversity of New York makes it exciting; so many people with so many interests in one sprawling place makes for a very sexy playground.
Thanks Brianne!
