Oh good. Rupert Murdoch owns more stuff. And not just any stuff, but a second newspaper in NYC (after The New York Post). And not just any newspaper, but probably the most prestigious, The Wall Street Journal. The father of modern tabloid journalism, who puts naked women in his daily newspapers and gives us memorable headlines like "Wacko Jacko Backo", now owns the epitome of financial news and investigative reporting. The media will never be the same.
The Australian print baron promises that the Journal will remain the same - progressive reporting, regressive editorials. Old Rupe will not infuse this great publication founded by the Bancroft family with sex and sleazy politics - he leaves that to papers founded by Alexander Hamilton. But why shouldn't he change it? After all, he now owns the Journal and everyone knows tabloids are in his blood. So here are some suggestions for re-making The Wall Street Journal, the Rupert way:
1. Instead of Page Three girls, why not "Page Three Wall Street Girls"? Women like Maria Bartiromo and Erin Burnett and other "Money Honeys" could pose topless every day for the enjoyment of their business counterparts. This would help their careers since it would give them all kinds of ... exposure.
2. I'm sure Rupert would make sure the reporting would be fair and balanced - between the Right and the Far Right.
3. Think of the headlines! When the Dow goes up: "Holy Dow!" When it goes down: "Dow-n." The possibilities are endless. Perhaps the best was already used by the Post: when Ken Lay of Enron was convicted, the next day's headline was "Bad Lay."
4. Always make sure to call Republican presidents the "Commander in Chief" and other Republican politicians "God's Gift to Humanity." And make sure to remind people that the Clintons or other politicians like them are in the "Democrat" party.
5. Finally, make sure there are no stories about media concentration or the widening gap between rich and poor because, you know, who wants to read about that?
The Australian print baron promises that the Journal will remain the same - progressive reporting, regressive editorials. Old Rupe will not infuse this great publication founded by the Bancroft family with sex and sleazy politics - he leaves that to papers founded by Alexander Hamilton. But why shouldn't he change it? After all, he now owns the Journal and everyone knows tabloids are in his blood. So here are some suggestions for re-making The Wall Street Journal, the Rupert way:
1. Instead of Page Three girls, why not "Page Three Wall Street Girls"? Women like Maria Bartiromo and Erin Burnett and other "Money Honeys" could pose topless every day for the enjoyment of their business counterparts. This would help their careers since it would give them all kinds of ... exposure.
2. I'm sure Rupert would make sure the reporting would be fair and balanced - between the Right and the Far Right.
3. Think of the headlines! When the Dow goes up: "Holy Dow!" When it goes down: "Dow-n." The possibilities are endless. Perhaps the best was already used by the Post: when Ken Lay of Enron was convicted, the next day's headline was "Bad Lay."
4. Always make sure to call Republican presidents the "Commander in Chief" and other Republican politicians "God's Gift to Humanity." And make sure to remind people that the Clintons or other politicians like them are in the "Democrat" party.
5. Finally, make sure there are no stories about media concentration or the widening gap between rich and poor because, you know, who wants to read about that?
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