Their Cheatin' Hearts

Big news! 

Huge news! 

Monumental news!

All of New York tonight is abuzz with this earth shattering development!

There is a website which you may have heard of (but that will remain nameless here) that makes it possible for people to meet other people who are married or in relationships to have "discrete affairs." Anyway, this very reputable site has just released a report indicating which towns and neighborhoods in the metro areas contains its highest per capita membership. And the neighborhoods in NYC with the highest number of people who belong to this "cheaters site" are, roughly in order: Park Slope, the Upper East Side, Forest Hills, Tribeca, Douglaston, Riverdale, and Howard Beach. 

Basically, with the exception of Howard Beach, the most affluent neighborhoods in NYC contains the most cheaters. At least, according to this "report," they do. 

What to make of this? 

Part of it is obvious. Wealthier people are more likely to be able to spend their money on silly things like this website. They are more likely not only to be able to afford the membership but all of the necessary accouterments of adultery: hotel rooms, secret cell phones, velvet robes, oils and lotions, negligees, whips and chains, masks and dog collars, riding crops -- you know, the basics. They can afford to hire babysitters to watch their kids while they're out doing their illicit banging. They probably work jobs that require them to travel and can use the excuse of "Oh honey, I'm gonna have to be out of town for a few days ..." Heck, part of it just technical: wealthier people are more likely to have high speed Internet connections in the first place!

Also, wealthier people like to do things in a more orderly, verifiable way -- like finding their lovers on a website designed for anonymity.

Part of me just thinks this is bogus. How does membership on a website really determine which neighborhoods have the most cheaters? I'm sure there are lots of people in poorer parts of town who cheat but do it the old fashioned way -- namely, bang their friends' girlfriends or people they pick up in bars. Something like adultery is probably impossible to quantify.

But here's the thing: this is not news. This isn't close to being news. This is a non-story story. It's nonsense. 

So why is it a huge news story? Why are dopes like me even blogging about it? 'Cause it's titilating. 'Cause it's easy to understand. 'Cause it's (literally) sexy. 'Cause it's a diversion.

And so much more interesting than the depressing state of the world.