Interview: Victator from "Living and Lovin' in NYC"

It’s embarrassing to admit but yours truly has only recently discovered the wonderful world of podcasts. (In case you’re unawares, podcasts are digital audio files that you download from the Internet. The best ones are like listening in through a keyhole to a casual conversation). I’m a huge fan of the mother of all podcasts, WTF with Marc Maron, which is so huge that last year President Obama appeared on it. 

But I recently came upon a relatively new NYC-located podcast called Living and Lovin’ in NYC, a humorous roundtable of New Yorkers talking about, you guessed it, the wonders and travails of life, love, and sex in this most massive of urban jungles. The hosts are amusingly named Victator and NuBritt (currently on leave but sending in updates from a road trip) and the newest host is a trans fellow named Issac. They also have lots of guests who make the show even more entertaining. 

I was lucky enough recently to interview Victator, a native New Yorker who identifies as queer and is the ringleader of Living and Lovin’ in NYC. In this interview, she tells us about the origins of the show, her thoughts about living and “boning” in NYC, how these things are changing – and about how to have a really good “slutty summer” (you might want to take notes, she gives great advice!). 

How did Living and Lovin' in NYC come into existence? 

Every time I hung out with NuBritt I'd repeat our conversations about dating and fucking in my head because I thought they were so spot on and hilarious. I listen to a lot of podcasts and one sunny day I was on my way to therapy listening to one, and thought, wait, NuBritt and I need to do this. I immediately sent her a text and said you and I should do a podcast about dating and fucking. I know there are a lot out there but ours would be better. She enthusiastically agreed and we soon recorded from her kitchen table while drinking bourbon. (We now record and steam live at Radio station, kpiss.fm and drinking during recording has become a mandatory tradition). 

What's a feminist shock jock and where did you get the funky nicknames Victator and NuBritt? 

When we were listening to our first episode, I immediately thought of the shock jocks I used to listen to growing up. You know, Howard Stern, Jaggar from Love Phones. They're dirty, crass, and say what they want and what they mean. We are feminists, but we often sound like bros who've had too much to drink and won't shut up. Hence the term "feminist shock" jock was born. Our nicknames just happened to be what we called each other. My best friend's name is Britt. And when I met Laura Jean I told Britt how great she was and Britt cutely replied "is she my replacement?" As a joke (cuz bros tease each other), my friend Katy started calling LJ NuBritt and we've never stopped. I'm the Victator because whenever I'd hang out with LJ I'd seem to make all the decisions about what we would do and where we would go. But I'm a benevolent Victator so everyone always had a good time. 

Side note: Love Phones was a nightly call in show on radio station Z100 back in the 1990s. If you were a horny teenager in NYC back then, like Victator and me, then you might remember it. Naturally I never called in. You normally needed to have a sex life in order to do so. 

What makes for a great show? 

Well I can't speak to great shows in general, but I think ours is great because we're honest as fuck. There's no pretense. We're completely ourselves ... Maybe a little too much sometimes. But I think that's what people identify with. I've had listeners tell me they've shared some of our experiences but would never consider talking about them out loud. So when they hear someone else do that, perhaps it makes them feel like less of a freak for a moment. We're also never preachy and keep an open mind about topics that are sometimes hard to discuss.

You guys talk seamlessly about gay and straight sex and relationships. Now that gay marriage is legal and gay rights are overwhelmingly supported by the public, do you think the way people (certainly New Yorkers) talk about sex and love is changing?  

This is actually a hard one for me to answer. I think the reason is that for a long time now most of my friends have been queer or passionately queer friendly. So I don't know what straight people say about sex and love behind my back. I'm a native New Yorker like you and I went to elementary school in the Village, where we had out gay teachers. So for my little bubble, I've felt pretty comfortable my whole life (and I'm endlessly grateful for that). It hasn't been that long since marriage equality has existed, so I don't see an immediate stark cultural shift. I do think that some straight people (especially if they're from here) might be unaware that there are still a lot of struggles for the LGBT+ community. I met a married lesbian couple from Florida the other day that said they're not comfortable holding hands in their home town. Also, while I've found that while more people seem to be "down" with being a homo, the way they try to relate to me can still be problematic. I've met plenty of cis straight dudes who try to relate to me by objectifying women in unsavory ways. I guess they think that since we like to fuck the same gender, and because I'm perceived as pretty masculine, I'm not going to identify with the women and join the dousche parade. 

Are trans rights the new frontier in the fight for gender equality? 

If Isaac wants to weigh in into this, he should feel free. I don't want to cissplain on this one. 

What makes for a good "slutty summer" and what advice would you give people who want to pursue one, male or female, straight or gay? Also, are fall, winter, and spring decent slutty seasons? 

Well a good slutty summer consists of multiple partners, good booze, and a consistent approach to not getting emotionally attached. I don't know how to tell straight people to go about it, but I think solid advice to anyone would be, make your intentions and limitations clear. This might seem controversial, but for ladies seeking ladies, I'd recommend finding a hot queer lady with a boyfriend who wants some lady sex on the side. There are a lot out there, and I had a great experience with them. And, Hey, I say be slutty all year long if you can. The summer worked well for me because I was especially horny and wasn't really feeling the serious dating thing. Also, if you're into public sex, there's no better time than that of warm weather.  

You said on one episode that it's actually easier for gay men to get laid than gay women. REALLY? 

This is also a little difficult to answer, because I really can't answer on behalf of gay men and I want to avoid perpetuating the stereotype that gay men are naturally more promiscuous. On the contrary, my queer lady friends have all been horny as fuck and looking to bang, but just seemed to have a more difficult time finding partners. For one, strict lesbians are the smallest part of the LGB population - - there just aren't that many of us. So if you're a gay lady who only wants to fuck gay ladies, you're maybe in for a tough time. But I have no problem dating or fucking bisexuals and other women who bang women, so it's a little easier for me on that front. 

As NYC becomes ever more expensive to live in, is this still a great city to get laid and fall in love in or is it getting ... harder? 

I've never thought about how the cost of living here affected my heart or vagina. I mean, I'm in my 30s and have roommates. And most people I've dated and banged have roommates, so that's always a little tricky to navigate. But I say if you live with someone, you've gotta be down to hear them bone once and a while. That said, it's just standard manners to not be screaming "you fuck me like a pickle in peanut butter!" at 3 a.m. 

What do you guys love most about NYC? And sex! 

I love that I will never run out of people to meet. For friends, enemies, and lovers. There's a lot of people! What do I love most about sex? Peanut butter and pickles. Kidding. Probably. 

Tell us something about yourselves and your podcast that we might not know.

Kindergarten Cop had made me cry on more than one occasion.  

What is the future for Living and Lovin' in NYC? 

I don't know. We were recently listed as one of the best podcasts about sex, so hopefully we can keep being fucking awesome. 

Thanks Victator!

Livin' and Lovin' in NYC is available on iTunes, livinandlovininnyc.com, and wherever podcasts are found. It was also recently listed as one of the 11 Best Sex Podasts by Thrillist at https://www.thrillist.com/entertainment/nation/11-best-sex-podcasts.