Most writers attempt to write well even if they don't (this blog is Exhibit A in the doesn't succeed buts tries hard department). But apparently there's a contest out there that celebrates bad writing: it's called the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest that gives a "three-figure" prize "to the person who fashions the most wretched opening sentence to an imaginary novel."
This year it was for an imaginary novel about NYC. The winning line:
“Theirs was a New York love, a checkered taxi ride burning rubber, and like the city their passion was open 24/7, steam rising from their bodies like slick streets exhaling warm, moist, white breath through manhole covers stamped ‘Forged by DeLaney Bros., Piscataway, N.J.’ ”
I wish I had entered this contest, I might have been able to win. My atrocious fake opening line:
"He could not apologize enough to her, just like no amount of mustard could make a stale pastrami on rye palatable."
Awful, right? Can you top that?
BTW, Bulwer-Lytton was an English Baron poet/playwright/politician who coined some famous phrases we still use today.
This year it was for an imaginary novel about NYC. The winning line:
“Theirs was a New York love, a checkered taxi ride burning rubber, and like the city their passion was open 24/7, steam rising from their bodies like slick streets exhaling warm, moist, white breath through manhole covers stamped ‘Forged by DeLaney Bros., Piscataway, N.J.’ ”
I wish I had entered this contest, I might have been able to win. My atrocious fake opening line:
"He could not apologize enough to her, just like no amount of mustard could make a stale pastrami on rye palatable."
Awful, right? Can you top that?
BTW, Bulwer-Lytton was an English Baron poet/playwright/politician who coined some famous phrases we still use today.
I challenge you to read through The Last Days of Pompeii without cackling furiously, tears streaming down, clutching your sides, and rocking back and forth.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy your unassuming writing style actually.
ReplyDeleteSS - I'll put that on my list of books I should run when I'm old.
ReplyDeleteZen - Thanks! Believe me, I can write very pretentiously. In fact, it's a struggle for me not too.