Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Memo from NYC

Election time is coming up and it's looking pretty bleak for the Democrats. This is to be expected for the party in power when the economy is in rough shape. Never mind that it's the Republican who screwed the economy, it's hasn't roared back yet and the public is angry. People like myself find it mind-boggling that the American people would really entrust the Republican party with any kind of power, considering what an awful job they did running the country under Bush. However, if the polls are to be believed, this is exactly what might happen -- and it scare the hell out of me and most normal thinking individual (including the author of this brilliant article from Esquire online; the author does a great job of summing up our fears exactly).

So as summer yields to the fall campaigns, it's time for President Obama to stop being so nice and instead stick his foot up the collective ass of the Republican party. In order to do this, he needs to get Democrats motivated. And I think the best thing for him to do would be to adapt the Brad Pitt speech from Inglorious Bastards as his rallying call. If I were his speechwriter, I'd have him give the following campaign speech right now:

"Now, y'all might've heard rumors about the elections happening soon. Well, in these elections, we'll be doing one thing and one thing only: beating Republicans.

Now, I don't know about y'all, but I sure as hell didn't leave a cushy life in the private sector to teach the Republicans lessons in humanity. Republicans ain't got no humanity! They're the foot soldiers of a Jew-hatin', gay-hatin', working-class-hatin', empathy-hatin' ideology and they need to be dee-stroyed. That's why any and every every son of a bitch Republican we find, we're gonna beat.

We will be cruel to the Republicans, and through our cruelty they will know who we are. And they will find the evidence of our cruelty in the devastated, distraught, dee'pressed faces of their family members that we leave behind. And the Republican won't be able to help themselves but to imagine the cruelty their colleagues endured at our hands. And the Republicans will be sickened by us, and the Republicans will talk about us, and the Republicans will fear us. And when the Republicans close their eyes at night and they're tortured by their subconscious for the evil they have done, it will be with thoughts of us they are tortured with. Sound good?"

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