To Live in Disgrace in NYC

Public shaming has become, forgive the intellectual laziness, "a thing" these days. From misconduct allegations, to stupid social media posts, to getting arrested and sometimes even convicted of crimes -- whatever the offence or affront, either civil or criminal or purely social or otherwise -- more people than ever seem to have become pariahs, outcasts, socially toxic.

People who were once famous, beloved, and powerful -- Bill Cosby, Matt Lauer, Kevin Spacey, Charlie Rose, Harvey Weinstein, and others -- are now either unemployed or awaiting trial or already in jail or being sued or just ... cast out, totally banished from public life. Not only did these fallen people once have big careers that made them famous, rich, or just respected, but they were members of "polite society" and lived busy lives of glamour -- parties, premieres, award shows, galas, fundraisers, openings, talk shows, panel appearances, festivals, conferences, you name it -- the full smorgasbord of a successful life. The beautiful, the powerful, the rich, the famous, or just the merely popular and successful live non-stop on this circuit, this merry-go-round hamster wheel of events that prove and consolidate their vaunted status.

And when they fall from grace, for whatever reason, not only do they lose their jobs and sometimes face legal problems but the glamour evaporates. No more invitations. No more events. They fall off the hamster wheel, the circuit of a successful life shorts-out.

That has to be the worst thing of all. Not only losing your job, not only enduring great humiliation, not only living in legal jeopardy, but having all this excitement, all this stuff that kept your life busy and fun, just go ... poof. One can only imagine the emptiness, the loneliness, the boredom, the long days and nights at home, having nothing to do, nowhere to go, suddenly burdened with tons of unwanted time that you now have to fill yourself. The whole structure of your life is gone and there's nothing to look forward to. The volume of your life goes from loud to mute. You're in your own kind of dystopia, a unique and personal hell.

However, there's one place that pariahs can go -- or at least try to: restaurants. If you can get a reservation (presumably not under your name), or just walk in, even the most socially toxic people can eat out. After all, restaurants are businesses and need to make money and they'll serve and take the money of anyone so long as they don't think it'll cost them other customers (boycotts are, sadly, another "thing").

This article is an interesting look at how pariahs are sometimes seen in upscale NYC restaurants and how they are sometimes gawked at or ignored but are sometimes welcomed. The prime example: Michael Cohen, the disgraced former lawyer for Donald Trump. He may be a confessed liar, turncoat, and criminal but, at his preferred dining spots, he's still quite welcomed.

On a personal level, when I read about these fallen people, these once high flying people, now socially toxic pariahs, I have mixed feelings. If they did something really bad, if they damaged people's lives and careers, then social ostracism is probably the least punishment they deserve. But I also hate to see anyone lose everything, I hate to see anyone crash hard. Unlike a lot of people, I don't suffer from schadenfreude, I don't like seeing people suffer -- except for maybe Donald Trump and everyone around him.

I guess what I find interesting about people who are social pariahs is that I can, in some way, relate. Now, don't get me wrong, I've never been publically shamed or accused of anything nasty (Mr NYC is a very square dude). I've never been "disgraced" in the way so many have been lately -- but I've been never successful or popular in any way whatsoever (heck, I can't even get my friends or family to read this blog!). I've never been a high-flyer and lived on the circuit of success. In a way, I guess I've always been what one might consider a "natural disgrace" -- so how could I become a disgrace?  

You know how there are some people who're successful enough that you and everyone is envious or who are just so attractive and charismatic that people are naturally drawn to them? Yeah ... I'm the opposite of that!

I'm almost never invited anywhere or to any event, there's so social circuit hamster wheel in my life. On the rare occasions I do get invited somewhere, I'm overly flattered by it and it feels quite odd and unnatural, like something's wrong.

If I ever do become an official pariah (not that I want to!), I'd probably handle it quite well. Heck, I'm practically already one! So if you need any advice on how to negotiate life as a loser ... I'm your man!