Interview: The Dateable Dork

Dating in NYC is like trying to write War and Peace in a bumper car in an amusement park -- your strives towards perfection is continually interrupted by the realities around you (Stanley Kubrick said this about making movies but I think it's an apt comparison). And talking about movies, movies like When Harry Met Sally ... and TV shows like Friends and Sex and the City make dating in NYC look really glamorous -- everybody's rich and beautiful, with great jobs and apartments and oceans of free time, and the weather is always perfect.

These movies and TV shows might be fun to watch but they sure ain't reality. The realities of dating in New York is both funnier, scarier, and a lot more complicated than any fictional rendering could ever be. And no one talks about the realities of dating in NYC better than the Dateable Dork. Her blog has to be the most honest and most hilarious forum about love and lovin' in NYC that I've ever read. With great wittiness and energy, she takes you into her life and makes you laugh and think about the craziness of love in NYC. The Dateable Dork reminds you that not all New Yorkers are characters straight out of a Candace Bushnell novel but are people who can be more interesting, more intriguing and, yes, more dorky, than anyone could imagine.

She agreed to answer my questions about what makes her a dork and why dating in NYC is a such a crazy adventure.

I have a hard time believing that any woman can really be a dork. Convince us that you're one of my breed.

You've never met a female dork? Wow, you don't know what you're missing! I really am a total dork, in all the typical ways you would imagine for a male. I'm uncoordinated, too tall, I snort when I laugh, my fashion sense is always two (or ten) seasons behind, I talk about science at cocktail parties (which never fails to get groans from the crowd), etc. The only thing I'm missing is the pair of glasses with the Band-Aid in the middle. Believe it: I'm a dork.

According to Jerry Seinfeld, 95% of all people are "un-dateable." What makes you part of the other 5%?

First of all, I love Seinfeld. Just had to get that out of the way. Despite my dorky persona, I really do think I'm totally dateable. The caveat is that I'm dateable to other dorks. I'll never get the super slick guy who dates supermodels, but for the average, normal, somewhat nerdy guy, I think I'm a great catch! I'm smart, interesting, educated, fun to be around, and I look great in heels and a miniskirt. I'm the girl you can bring home to your parents and then have all sorts of kinky sex with afterwards. I've got my shit together, I have a dorky but respectable job, and I'm not afraid to laugh at how ridiculous I am. What's not to love, really?

So tell us how your blog the Dateable Dork came to be – and why it went away and then came back (that is, if you want to tell us about that).

I started the Dateable Dork because I realized that I need an outlet for all the crazy dating drama that had completely taken over my life. I had been emailing my dating stories to my friends on a daily basis, and I think they were getting really, really sick of it. At first they were interested, but eventually I could tell that they were about to disown me or something. So I started putting all my drama out into cyberspace, and it made me and my friends much happier people.

Now... do we really want to get into "the incident?" I'll make this short and sweet: when a guy I had been dating found my blog, read all the dirty details about my dating/sex life, and dumped my ass in a raging ball of flames, I kind of went into a state of shock. It was as if my whole world had imploded. I lost a guy that had real potential, my secret identity had been discovered, and I was pretty much a total mess. I didn't know what to do... so I just deleted the whole thing. It was the only thing I could think of that made any sense.

I always knew that I'd be back ... eventually. I just needed some time to get over the shock, which (to be perfectly honest) took a lot longer than I thought it would. I spent a lot of time being sad and depressed until I finally decided that I was overreacting and needed to get over it already. And I did. I started writing again, and it made me feel so much better.

Books, TV shows, movies, and now blogs like yours have made dating in NYC a cottage industry, and it seems like finding love in this town is a frustrating, time consuming, expensive, hopelessly complex adventure in Social Darwinism. Do you agree? What are your thoughts?

Yes, I completely agree - dating in New York is very much akin to survival of the fittest. It's so hard just to come out of it in one piece! Despite all my adventures in dating, I never seem to come out of it with anything to show for myself (clearly I am not at the top of the evolutionary scale) except for credit card bills filled with cute outfits and my half of expensive dinners. But here's the thing: I have a theory about dating in New York. It's so simple, but so true. There are millions of people in this city, which you would think would make it easy to find someone. However, in reality, the abundance of available dates makes every one's standards impossibly high. I'm guilty of this myself. If you don't like someone, throw him back! There are millions of others. Too short, too tall, too much of a mama's boy? Next! Realistic standards go out the window when there are just so many people to choose from. The perfect one has got to be out there, somewhere... right?

The (sad but true) joke is that "nice guys" finish last, and it does seem like a lot of women prefer to date "bad boys" who end up making them miserable. As a woman, why do you think that is? Are most nice guys just too boring?

I don't know how much stock I take in the whole "nice guys finish last" adage. A nice guy is exactly what I'm looking for, and I think most of my single female friends would say the same. Yes, most women have that irresistible desire to hook up with a "bad boy" -- we love the taboo and the drama of it all. But we don't want to date bad boys, we just want to use them and then throw them away (sorry, boys). If I'm looking for an actual relationship, I want a nice, normal, stable, professional guy who will actually enjoy my dorky science jokes and who my mom will be crazy about. Nice guys may be more "boring" than bad boys, but "boring" is not necessarily a bad thing.

What do you, the Dateable Dork, look for in a guy – or are your standards too high?

Oh my god, my standards are way too high. I'm just as guilty of this as everyone else! Earlier this year, I wrote a post about exactly what I look for in a guy, and everyone seemed to think that it read more like a job interview than anything else. My standards are focused on narrowing down the pool of available men to those that meet my basic dating requirements. From there, I just cross my fingers and hope that the chemistry is right! "Requirements" include things like never being married before, no kids, a college degree, non-virgin, non-smoker, lives close to my apartment, and the ultimate deal breaker: does not live with parents. What's hilarious is that I actually manage to find these date-worthy men, and I still always wind up striking out! Clearly I have no idea what I'm doing and am just as hopeless as everyone else.

Your blog is very funny and has generated quite the fan base. Is being funny a help or a hindrance for you and other funny women when it comes to dating?

Hahaha, it's so strange to hear people say that I'm funny because I am so NOT funny in person! I guess it comes out in my writing but not so much in my real life. I have a weird sense of humor in person, and no one really seems to get it. Oh well. In fact, I think that if I were funnier in person, it would probably help me out in the dating world. Guys like funny chicks, right?

As for my blog generating quite the fan base ... I'm flattered, really. : ) It's amazing to me that anyone is actually interested in reading about my dating drama, but whatever, I can roll with it. I love my readers -- everyone I have encountered in the blogosphere has been totally awesome. Thanks, guys!

Tell us something about the Dateable Dork we don't know.

Hmm ... this is a tough one because I usually spill everything on my blog! Here's something that I know I've never written about - I didn't lose my virginity until age 20. I just had absolutely no interest in sex! I was so busy studying (I'm a big dork, remember?) and concentrating and being productive that sex was just not even on the radar. Sure, I dated, but I probably frustrated the hell out of all my boyfriends because I would never sleep with them. Aww, poor guys. If I only knew what I was missing.

Finally, what do you love about NYC.

Although there are endless things to love about New York, the thing I love most is that it's home. Cheesy, I know, but it's true. I love that every time I cross Houston street I think of my grandmother who grew up downtown. I love that office buildings in midtown remind me of my mom working as a secretary in the 80s -- it's all very "Working Girl." I love that some people think of Bryant Park as the home of fashion week, but I think of it as "that park where I had a great second date." It's not surprising that, after all these years, I'm still here in New York - it's home, I love it, and I'm here to stay. (Oh, and I love that New Yorkers are angry. There's nothing like some good old-fashioned angst to wake you up in the morning. Hahaha. Move aside, bitches! I'm late for work!).

Thanks Dork!